Shoestring Century

I’ve discovered that one thing actually becomes harder to do on the internet the further it spreads to every country, town, and iPhone in the world:  Discussing issues of national importance in the exclusive company of one’s countrymen.

Don’t roll your eyes.  The citizenry of my country needs to talk through some sensitive issues right now, and it’s difficult to do it while these Brits, Indians, New Zealanders, Spaniards, Brazilians, and Frenchmen keep crowding around with their own opinions.    Ironically, this point hit home for me while I was reading through comments on articles about Balloon Boy, which is not exactly an “issue of national importance.”  The flint strike came in the form of this man’s derision of the Heene family:

What’s wrong with this picture?  Something about the accent… something about the flag… He’s Australian.  He’s used the Balloon Boy story as an opportunity to belittle an American culture that he probably has no experience of firsthand, and in the process he’s inspired a number of Americans to leave derisive comments about the US as well:

“Dude.. people have been thinking we Americans are assholes and idiots since LONG before this stunt was pulled.. this just helps prove that we think we’re so great.. but in reality, we’re lazy bitchy assholes who think they’re better than everyone else.”

“America is FULL of a bunch of total zeroes. I lost faith in this nation 10 years ago, we are the biggest whiners on the planet and everyone CRIES about everything, if this one is offended if that one, I think we are a joke to the world and should be and I am an American.”

While the Heene parents hardly represent the best the US has to offer, I do believe that the more deeply one understands American culture, the more empathetic one will feel toward them.  Do I mean that they’re role models or that they should be above the law?  No.  But can’t you see  some of your American self in them?  What are Americans, for better and for worse?  We’re inventors. We’re hypomanic.  We’re entrepreneurs.  We don’t look down on someone because he only has a high school education, and we don’t fault him for trying to make money.  We marry immigrants.  We honor a family’s right to live by its own beliefs, however strange, without harassment by the community or the government.  Yes, some of us are charlatans.  We’re a wee bit prone to violence.  We still faintly remember what it took to get ahead in the Wild West – we’re constantly reminded by the immensity of the landscape.  Richard Heene inserted a preamble to his kids’ inflammatory “Not Pussified” music video that mocked

“The modern day teachings of human beings living a superficial lifestyle of consumerism, obesity, and overprotectiveness for themselves and their children (put them in a corner for ‘Time Out’) in an effort to gain as many supporters as possible to believe that they are better than everyone else around them.”

Heene’s preamble should be recognizable as a classically American attack on unearned claims of status (“better than everyone else”), idleness (“obesity”), timidity (“overprotectiveness”), and collectivism (“as many supporters as possible”).   And what if he is a tempestuous, grandiose maniac who fits poorly into the social hierarchy  –like Hunter S. Thompson?  Like Nikola Tesla?  Like Ayn Rand?  Like Alexander Hamilton?  Like John Brown?  Like James Brown? — unleashing the creative potential of such souls is something America does best!  People say he’s raising his sons to be brats.  It’s too soon to tell how they’ll turn out once life inevitably checks their wildness (note that I said “life” – not CPS), but after seeing these kids fearlessly chase down hurricanes, I know one thing:  He’s not raising serfs.

We are a nation that has lost basic self-confidence, one that is apologizing most for what should uniquely define us, and one that is looking to others for affirmation.  No outside force can help us regain this confidence.  A pro-American consensus will probably never emerge on the multinational web, if only because those sites that cater to a multinational audience will tend to become larger, more visible, and more influential than those that don’t.  It takes courage to accept the burden of being unique. Americans didn’t invent this country by global consensus…. Somewhat more specifically, we invented this country as a big “back the hell off” to European aristocrats.

But, pray tell, what does Bono think of all this?  Does he think my vision of the United States lacks the universal appeal of All That You Can’t Leave Behind?  Does he think my country should be “rebooted” like a malfunctioning plaything, like an iPod?  In his guest op-ed yesterday in the New York Times, Bono wrote of how “we” need to “reboot” and “rebrand” America.  His pronouncement was trailed by a singalong chorus of repentant Americans and foreigners who have been dutifully ”observing” our country and are now ready to present their findings.  Paul Hewson can and inevitably will say what he wants.  But when it comes to the internet-wide debate over what’s wrong with the US and how to correct it, we Americans need to become a little more discerning; some people deserve a place at the table, while others do not and should be relegated to the periphery.   I propose a few basic tests:  Does the bloviator in question live here?  Does he pay taxes here?  Does he plan on dying here?  If not, it’s our right – no, our distinctly American pleasure – to tell him to back the hell off.